This year, Halloween Horror Nights celebrated its 34th year, showcasing haunts from the Friday the 13th, Terrifier, Five Nights at Freddy’s, and Fallout franchises. I was able to go with fellow JoBlo Horror Originals showrunners Lance Vlcek and Andrew Hatfield to experience what Universal Studios had to offer. It was something we had discussed doing for years, and finally decided to pull the trigger on. The main goal of the evening was to make sure we saw the Jason Universe maze, as we’re all massive Friday the 13th fans.
Unfortunately, Halloween Horror Nights was one of the most disappointing experiences imaginable. If it weren’t for the company, this would have been a complete dud of an evening. We weren’t able to see the Terrifier Haunted House, as it had a 200-minute wait time when we were near it, and so we opted to do other ones instead. Even the Five Nights at Freddy’s Haunted House was well over 100 minutes. However, since we were there for the hockey mask-wearing Mama’s Boy, we decided we needed to see him no matter what. So we waited 140 minutes to walk through a three-minute house that was over in an instant. I was worried that it would simply be the Jason Universe design on display, but it ended up being Jason’s from all the films (though I didn’t see Uber Jason… *Rodney Dangerfield voice* “No respect!”). There was even a Pamela Voorhees near the end. And the design was decidedly campy. But it was so damn repetitive: walk five feet, Jason pops out, walk five more feet, Jason pops out. I get that they’re limited, but at least give us a little variety. I’ve seen better at Haunted Houses down the street!
Then, after spending 45 minutes trying to get some food, we decided to hit up Fallout, since it was “only” 70 minutes. It’s an odd choice for a Haunted House, but they ended up doing a good job with the design. I liked all the costumes, and there were various recognizable things from the TV show.
The worst part of this whole ordeal were the massive wait times. And to make matters worse, there’s nothing to actually look at while you’re waiting. These are just taking over other rides, so there’s not even cool merch or stuff related to the ride to look at, or immerse you in the world. Hell, for Jason Universe you’re just walking through the Fast and Furious ride. Ahhh yes, nothing get me more in the Camp Crystal Lake mood than some hot rods. Fallout was even worse, as it was just a massive line, winding back and forth in this large tent. There were hardly any fans so it ended up being like a sauna. You’d look around at the people around you, and everyone was just caked in sweat. I’ve never been so grateful that everyone seemed to understand to put on their deodorant because it could have been a rough time.
An Individual Ticket for Halloween Horror Nights runs at over $100. Then, if you want to get the Express Pass to be able to skip a majority of the line, that’s an additional $300. THEN, if you’re feeling really boujee, you can get the RIP Pass (a play on VIP) that’ll cost an additional $450. That’s in addition to the regular ticket. To be fair, that does come with a tour guide, and most importantly, no wait times. But that’s $550 per person! And really, that’s the only way you could ever possibly experience everything that the park has to offer because the wait times take up so much time. As a standard ticket holder, we were hardly able to see anything.
The saddest part is that my entire group decided that the highlight of the entire evening was when we hopped on The Mummy ride. You know, the ride that is up year-round and technically not even part of the HHN experience? That’s when you know that things aren’t up to snuff. We probably had enough time to hit another Haunted House, but my entire group was exhausted and annoyed at the whole experience, so we left just before 1am.
If you like to wait in lines while staring at absolutely nothing of value, then this is for you. Otherwise, just support your local Haunts as they’re clearly putting more care into them than Universal. They seem to have whittled things down to the point where they’re doing the bare minimum to maximize profits.
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